Hey! Randy

Archive for the ‘college’ Category

The Test to Take Before You Take the Get into College Test

Posted by heyrandy on November 9, 2011

Many people worry about their college aptitude test. The test is usually the ACT or the SAT. There is really no need to worry. If you have a pulse and your check doesn’t bounce, you can get into college. Face reality: Ivy League is not in most people’s future. You are most people. Be thankful for this. You could be accepted into America’s OxBridge. It will cost you a fortune to get an education that is little better than you would have received at Obscure U. If you actually used the library at OU, you education would have been much better. The degree you receive at High End U does grant you name dropping rights, but the snob factor is not worth the cost. Your four year party to develop an useful friends list and perfect your beer drinking skills is rained on and reined in by cost considerations.

This is why you need the Hey Randy Test (HRT) of college material. There is no need to travel to far away Dream College only to find out that the C you made in English could have just as easily been made locally. Think of it as helping the buy local movement. Unlike the ACT or the SAT, the HRT is not an aptitude test. Nor is it an altitude test. It is an attitude test. Take at your own risk.

1. What were the last 10 book I read that were not assigned as required reading?

2. I have an A average in all my classes excepting Shop or PE.

3. If I can, I always sign up for classes taught by teachers with the reputation for the toughest grading.

4. I watch less than five hours of television a week.

5. I believe college debt will be easily repaid once I graduate and get the high-paying job that my degree will open the door to.

6. When I encounter a word I do not know I find out what it means.

7. I ask my teachers for additional work or reading even if no additional credit is to be given.

8. I have a reading list, some of which I developed from reading lists I received from university department  chairmen to whom I have written. (Double points if you requested the graduate school reading list.)

9. I can correctly use the words lay and lie.

10. This test reveals that I have a lot of work to do.

Assignment: develop a grading scale for this test. Think of this as you first college assignment, beer not included.

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Take These With You

Posted by heyrandy on July 10, 2010

You have by now taken my college aptitude test. You know that college is a curve ball situation; nothing is straight forward. To survive you need skills and abilities. You know that I have a unique (okay, weird) perspective on college, so you need what I am about to say. I am going to teach you things that are important in life. These things are not what you are going to learn in any college. There is a reason for that: no one is willing to pay for this. You think that college is about learning, but it is really about money. This is why they only teach you what you will pay for.

1. The  most important thing you will hear in college is professor says. Unless you agree with the professor you grades will suffer. It does not matter if you are right. It does not matter if the professor is an idiot. Learn that to disagree is to hurt. This will prepare you for your first job.

2. The most important thing you will do in college is pay this amount. If you don’t pay, you don’t play. This is life.

3. The most important thing you will discover at college is the reason they say it is required. It is where the profit is.

4. The most important thing you will learn at college is that college has been dumbed down. Most people would not survive there very long unless it was.

5. The most important date in college is the last day to drop a course without failing. Know when to bailout.

6. The most important rule in college is for you to remember that college does not make you smart. The people that run this country are all college graduates.

7. The most important place in college is the library. That is where the real learning is. It is usually deserted.

8. The most important character trait at college is honesty. It almost doesn’t exist.

9.The most important mistake to avoid at  college is suspending your disbelief. If you believe them, you will become one of them.

10. The most important scheduling arrangement you will make is to take classes with lots of athletes in them. If you do this you will get an A.

This is how the system works. Now work the system.

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College Test

Posted by heyrandy on June 18, 2010

It is the time of year when some people write Seniors 2010 on their car windows. If you are one of those, you may be considering college. This is a decision that has to be made with serious thought. To that end I have devised a test to help you determine if you are college material. Be sure to mark all the correct answers!

1. When faced with a problem that I do not understand I

a. ignore it.

b. try guessing until I am bored

c. stick someone else with it

d. get drunk

2. I can pay for college by

a. going deeply into debt

b. putting the touch on those to whom I am related

c. dealing in contraband

d. apply for and receive a beer pong scholarship

3. When in college I plan to study

a. whatever is the easiest

b. intoxication

c. dating

d. study?

4. When ever someone uses a word I don’t know

a. I don’t care

b. I complain

c. I was not paying attention

d. will it be  on the exam?

5. My social life at college will

a. consist of being  ill in the morning

b. cause me to wake up in a strange place I don’t like

c. require many visits to the clinic

d. frequently require bail

6. My favorite reading is

a. graphic novels

b. anything by Harry Potter. He’s a great writer!

c. television

d. what does reading have to do with college?

7. When assigned a paper to write I

a. go to the library to catch up on gossip with my friends

b. buy one off the Internet.

c. farm it out to some grad student with more brains than money

d. first it was reading; now it is writing. Next it will be arithmetic. I don’t like where this is going.

8. Okay, here is the math part.

a. My checkbook never balances

b. I never twice get the same answer on the calculator

c. as long as I can make the payments, what’s the big deal?

d. I will use Cliff’s notes

9. When in class

a. I believe everything I am told because professors are smart. That is why they are all rich and famous.

b. sit next to a smart guy and copy his notes

c. tweet

d. why would I go to class?

10. I expect college

a. to get me a easy, exciting job paying megabucks

b. to be a really fun time

c. to satisfy my thirst

d. huh

The correct answer  is “e”. True, there  is no “e”, but no one said college reflected real life. Get used to it; college is only one of the curve balls life is going to throw you.

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Live Long and Make Payments

Posted by heyrandy on December 20, 2009

The other day at work I overheard the conversation of the his and her hosts of one of those radio stations that play the kind of music that we have all too often heard. The subject of the discussion was the case of a man who recently graduated from Cornell University. He has a degree in theater and a $125,000 student loan debt. He now works at a call center. He makes $10 an hour.

This person is not smart enough to have gone to college. It is too bad that he did not know this before he went. He may not know it even now.

This person is doomed. He will never under normal circumstances pay off this debt. He is unlikely to marry because his wife will acquire this debt. This means no children, no future except debt payments. His credit rating will be permanently bad.

College is a wonderful thing. Just make sure that you plan to live long enough to make all the payments.

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Full Fraud Schools

Posted by heyrandy on October 17, 2009

Most of us think that the colleges we attended and in some cases from which we graduated are scrupulous in their grading and academic standards. Walter Williams has just published a revealing article about academic dishonesty. He names the names, the big names.

This is the quiet scandal. It is not just the students that are doing the cheating. It is the schools themselves that are lying. I have known that the academic system is largely corrupt. Until reading Williams I thought the putrefaction was confined to the politically correct forces that now dominate the remains of higher (sic) education, but Williams reveals that the problem is system wide.

Read it http://economics.gmu.edu/wew/articles/09/AcademicDishonesty.htm.

No, you don’t get academic credit for this reading, but you will be rewarded for knowledge.

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Finding the Mispelled Werd

Posted by heyrandy on September 12, 2009

I just applied for two jobs via the University of Rochester web site. It was a strange experience. The job I was really interested in was Director of Humongously Large Gift Getting, but I did not apply for this position because I have no experience in first class air travel. I have always been a cargo class man.

The jobs for which I did apply were mail room clerk and parking attendant. These are not within my career field, but I am usually against limiting myself when it comes to getting legitimate income. As long as the job is not illegal or immoral I will consider it. I do not worry about fattening.

To apply at the University site one must supply the school with information about one’s self. Having a self, I did. In doing so, I came to the part about education. I was asked about my highest level of education. In looking though the choices, I noticed that several of the degree options had the choice of “professional or academic”. One degree choice, however, gave the option of “acedemic”.

Most people would dismiss this irony as a typographical error. I am not most people. I am only me.

A few months ago the University’s president wrote an article in our newspaper, the Daily Illuminant, about how he wants to raise the prestige of the school to the level of Johns Hopkins University. I know how he can start: by adjusting the Johns Hopkins University’s web site. This is an application the mindless mantra of equal misspellings for equal schools.

The misspelling does raise serious questions:

How did this escape spell check?

Is this the action of a malcontent with an acute sense of irony? (No, it was not me.)

Is the misspelling a subtle way to weed out the illiterate?

Are you wasting your time reading this?

Modern universities are built upon the principle of no absolute truth. Therefore, I cannot give you any answers. If I did, I might blow my chance at that tenure track job in the mail room.

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