Hey! Randy

Mood Music

Posted by heyrandy on December 22, 2010

I am tired of people criticizing the TSA. These are real people who have the problem of not being able to find a real job anywhere else. They gave up a lot to go to work for the TSA. Most had seniority at the restaurant, but this now all gone. They can’t even go back to the old job: the manager will not rehire them.

Working for the TSA is not easy. First, there is all that standing around. This quickly gets boring. It is difficult to look official when everyone with working eyes can see that you are not doing anything of importance. This leads to lack of respect. This is the reason that the TSA has issued its idlers those shiny badges. Badges are a symbol of authority. Symbols are all the TSA has. Respect? Not in any airport I have been in!

In addition the routine and unending boredom, there is the difficulty of who gets to view the pornography x-ray images. Management has had to be careful and delegate most of the viewing to its subordinates. The managers are compensated for this by being paid more.

The luggage checkers have the additional problem of having to stay awake most of the time while on duty. It is not easy when you sit down all day looking at dangerous things like socks. You never know, some of them might be dirty.

With all these difficulties it is amazing that the TSA catches any terrorists. Actually it has so far caught none, but the TSA has not been deterred by its uselessness. It soldiers on. There are pay checks to cash.

I think that the brave, valiant, loyal, faithful and blue clad men and women would appreciate some support from the public instead of the relentless, well justified criticism from those who actually understand airline security. To that end I propose that the TSA adopt a theme song. This would be the agency’s anthem, sung in public before every shift and when ever the dangerous job of protecting the flying public from carrying too large a container of body lotion gets too stressful.

There are many Americans who can write music. You country need you to create an appropriate song for the much justly maligned TSA. The song should touch the core of the TSA’s mission. The song should reflect the pride the TSA staff feel when you feel them. So get busy writing. The gloved brigade needs your help.

Since I am unable to write music, I must confine my contribution to a suggestion. I nominate that the TSA adopt as its official theme song the hit song made famous by Olivia Newton-John: “Let’s Get Physical.” I know of no music extant that more closely reflects the true nature of the entire TSA experience. Besides, its been a while since Olivia has had a hit; she could use the money from the royalties.

I sure know what I will be singing when I get the touch of the TSA! Hey TSA, let’s get….!

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